Belligerent Ghoul writes:
We're then given the tour protocol lecture by Arturo, a big friendly giant who's in charge of security and is definitely someone you wouldn't want to mess with. "Rule 1, this is a no-meat tour - absolutely no meat in the venue," he says. "Rule 2, nobody in the hall when He's soundchecking."

Paddy has a friend who worked on a previous Morrissey tour. Apparently the secret code among the crew was "We're just off to look at some museums."

Morrissey's band is already soundchecking. They do instrumentals of How Soon Is Now, Girlfriend in a Coma and what sounds like a New York Dolls song. We decide to nip out for some scran. Obviously one of the greatest joys of international travel is finding amusingly-named foodstuffs and Sweden comes up trumps with Kex, Kack, and our favourite ... Plopp.

As we hurry back through the labyrinthine corridors of the venue to do our soundcheck we literally bump into Morrissey. "Oh, hello!" he says with a shy wave and a mischievous wink. Bloody hell, he actually knows who we are...