The film awards season has officially closed—ending with The 83 Academy Awards. Predictably, The King's Speech won big—Best Film, Director, Original Screenplay, Actor—Colin Firth. Geoffrey Rush, however, lost to Christian Bale. My choices were mostly overlooked with one exception being Natalie Portman winning Best Actress. It was painful to watch the Oscars this year. Although it took off with a bang with the montage of Franco and Hathaway digitally cut into the ten nominated films, it was all downhill from there. Kirk Douglas had no business presenting an award with that arrogant, pervy, irritating schtick. I wanted to choke him. How degrading for those Best Supporting Actress nominees to be held captive to this man. It was so wrong! Then that final closing with the children's choir. As Simon Cowell says best, absolutely dreadful. I must have short term memory loss. Because I was excited to see the Oscars this year. I thought it would be fresh and clever as James Franco and Anne Hathaway were co-hosting. But this wasn't to be. Instead it was rotten and dull. And I realized that my film tastes are not in sync with the Academy's. My picks are closer to those of The Independent Spirit Awards e.g. James Franco for Best Actor, Darren Aronofsky for Best Director, Exit Through The Gift Shop for Best Documentary, Matthew Libatique/Black Swan for Best Cinematography. The King's Speech did win an award at the Indie Awards i.e. Best Foreign Film. How funny is that?
So then, next year I think I'll tune into The Independent Spirit Awards and skip the Oscars. Of course, short term memory loss could return next year, and thus, you'll find me joyfully anticipating the Oscars once again.
In the meantime, I have devised a pretty long list of award categories related to film. I have selected winners for each. Some of them are silly. But all of them are inspired by the wonderful films that have moved me over my lifetime. Of course my picks say much more about me than they say about objective film critique.
So then, next year I think I'll tune into The Independent Spirit Awards and skip the Oscars. Of course, short term memory loss could return next year, and thus, you'll find me joyfully anticipating the Oscars once again.
In the meantime, I have devised a pretty long list of award categories related to film. I have selected winners for each. Some of them are silly. But all of them are inspired by the wonderful films that have moved me over my lifetime. Of course my picks say much more about me than they say about objective film critique.
- Most Fabulous Adventure Film Raiders of the Lost Arc
- Thrilling Thriller The Silence of the Lambs
- Scary, Scary The Ring (American)
- Most Terrifying Witch Blair Witch in The Blair With Project
- Buckets of Tears Life is Beautiful
- Favorite Animated Toy Story 3
- Love Story Titanic
- Non-English Betty Blue
- Period Piece A Room With a View
- Children's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
- Comedy My Cousin Vinny
- Musical Moulin Rouge
- Dance Movie Billy Elliot
- Life-Affirming 127 Hours
- Existential Vanilla Sky
- Action Speed
- Romantic Comedy The Wedding Singer
- Best Soundtrack The Wedding Singer
- Worst Soundtrack Less Than Zero
- Biographical Documentary Kurt Cobain: About a Son
- Human Interest Doc Grey Gardens (1975)
- Music Doc Stop Making Sense
- Nature Doc Encounters at the End of the World
- Original and Cool as Hell Doc Exit Through The Gift Shop
- What The f***? Even Dwarfs Started Small
- Visual/Musical Score Combo Lessons of Darkness
- Ecstatic Truth Grizzly Man
- Holocaust Themed Sophie's Choice
- War Era Love Story Atonement
- Convincing Performance Mickey Rourke as Randy "The Ram" in The Wrestler
- Stoner Film Pineapple Express
- Best Brooder Ethan Hawke as Troy Dyer in Reality Bites
- Hottest Baddest Gladiator Russel Crowe in Gladiator
- Sexiest Psychopath Male Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho
- Sexiest Psychopath Female Sharon Stone as Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct
- Sexiest Male Keanu Reeves as Jack Traven in Speed
- Sexiest Female Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft in Tomb raider
- Best Assassin Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh in No Country For Old Men
- Favorite Misfit Edward Scissorhands
- Sexiest Drug Addict Matt Dillon as Bob Hughes in Drugstore Cowboy
- Best Addiction Movie Requiem For a Dream
- Sexiest Superhero Male Christian Bale as Batman in Batman Begins
- Bad-ass Teenager Christian Slater as J.D. in Heathers
- Worst Actress Jennifer Aniston
- Best Rant Ed Norton, as Monty, in f*** You scene in 25th Hour
- Most Likable Racist Male Edward Norton as Derek Vinyard in American History X
- Most Likable Racist Female Kate Winslet as Hanna Schmitz in The Reader
- Hottest Bod Male Christian Bale in American Psycho
- Hottest Bod Female Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler
- Most Adorable Female Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde
- Most Adorable Male Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic
- Most Likable Male With Mental Health Issues James Spader as Graham Dalton in Sex, Lies, and Videotape
- Most Likable Female With Mental Health Issues Angelina Jolie as Lisa Rowe in Girl Interrupted
- Best Psychopath Male Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter
- Best Psychopath Female Joan Cusack as Cheryl Lang in Arlington Road
- Boy Who Needs A Hug Timothy Hutton as Conrad Jarret in Ordinary People
- Coldest Mother Mary Tyler Moore as Beth Jarrett in Ordinary People
- Nurturing Father Donald Sutherland as Calvin Jarrett in Ordinary People
- Quirky Love Story Benny and Joon
- Best Chew-out Nicholas Cage chewed-out by the President in Guarding Tess
- Christmas Comedy Christmas Vacation
- Sexiest Juvenile Delinquent C. Thomas Howe as Pony Boy in The Outsiders
- Best Conspiracy Film Arlington Road
- Best Use of a Boom-box John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything
- Evolution Themed Jurassic Park