"PETA…the “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals”…are incredible! I mean, I would say I can’t stand these “kooks”, if not for one thing…I love them! Because, nobody gets “fired up as fast”, “lays the wood”, and “talks the junk” that the soldiers of PETA do!

Take last week, for instance. When ‘Yoko Romo’, errr, Jessica Simpson was prancing around in her “Real Girls Eat Meat” t-shirt, a shot at Tony Romo’s ex Carrie Underwood…who’s a vegetarian…PETA fired right back with: “Only stupid girls eat meat.” PETA getting nice! I see something like that and I think, how can I not agree with anything they say, yet still totally be on their side?

Then they took a run at the Baltimore Ravens for using “real” ravens as a mascot: “(The) bright lights, screaming fans and loud noises, such as air horns, bands and amplified sound systems are terrifying for animals who can’t possibly understand what’s going on.” Big ups to my peeps at PETA for being able to understand what the birds are thinking and feeling. Like they have someone over at their tree house headquarters who can speak raven or something! These people are the best!

Like remember the time, Siegfried or was it Roy…whatever! One of those weirdo magicians got mauled by his tiger on stage, and they hit him with a “you deserved it, how did that taste” fax while he was essentially still on life support in the hospital. I mean, I see stuff like that and I want to chuck “buckets of blood” at rich women in fur coats! Then I remember, there’s nothing I’d rather do than “crush” a nice New York strip while wearing my leather jacket.

PETA, how can you be so wrong, yet somehow…so right? I mean, can I carry the card and still “power out” a couple of t-bones a week? Somehow, we need to work this out. Because, I’m down with you guys! Well, except for everything you stand for."