A bond of trust
Has been abused
Something of value
May be lost
Give up your job
Squander your cash - be rash
Just hold on to your friends

There are more than enough
To fight and oppose
Why waste good time
Fighting the people you like
Who will fall defending your name
Oh, don't feel so ashamed
To have friends

But now you only call me
When you're feeling depressed
When you feel happy I'm
So far from your mind
My patience is stretched
My loyalty vexed
Oh, you're losing all of your friends

Hold on to your friends
Hold on to your friends
Resist - or move on
Be mad, be rash
Smoke and explode
Sell all of your clothes
Just bear in mind :
Oh, there just might come a time
When you need some friends

-------------------------------------------------

How would you feel if you had 2 friends. One of the friends threatened the others' children, called them a bitch and bad mother, called them fat and ugly, made death threats etc etc. As a loyal friend you step in and tell them if they don't stop your friendship is over. They don't stop and so you tell them that's that. They then go psycho, calling you a cunt and many other things, spamming you in Chat, posting extracts from your journal, leaving messages on the message board about you and your boyfriend, and sending messages insulting you to your friends. The other friend is silent during all this despite witnessing it all first hand. Then you find out the other friend has made up with them, and their boyfriend is taking them out for drinks. Yes friends, this is how the world of morrissey-solo works. If you're an incredibly needy fucked up woman that is SO desperate for a man, you will sell a good loyal friend down the river on SEVERAL occasions just to score points with that man.

And people who are uglier than you and I, they take what they need and just leave....

Life is tough. I'm working 10-12 hour days every day and it's killing me. My soul is being eroded. Despite this I'm broke as my hugely rich plc company doesn't refund my expenses till almost the end of the month. I'm fucking pissed off. So many things are shit and annoying and stop you living your life. I really can't carry on like this, I feel so stressed and upset all the time. Selfish people make things even worse. I don't know where to turn next.

This made me really sad too, I almost burst into tears:

(Reuters) - Thieves stole a rare penguin called Piglet from a sea life centre in northeast England and dumped it in a garden. Its donkey-like braying was heard more than a mile from its home and worried residents rang the Scarborough Sea Life and Marine Sanctuary.

Staff say Piglet, a female Humboldt penguin from South America, may die from the stress of being moved and must now take a course of antibiotics.

"They are extremely susceptible to certain illnesses," curator Paul Bullimore said on Tuesday. "I would be surprised if she survives."

Police said the flightless bird was taken late on Sunday from an enclosure surrounded by two fences in what was probably a "sick prank".

And my Moz album STILL hasn't arrived.

Manc is going to be amazing. I can't wait to meet all those people, and I do hope I don't miss anybody. I'm sad to see Lucretia isn't going, but I hope Tales still goes - it's not like he'll have no one to talk to!

One person who is supposed to be going is the guy who messed me about so much early last year. The one who wouldn't phone me or send a photo. Now I may even get to meet him, which will be a bit strange. However it's also exciting, and I'm curious to see what happens - whether there's any chemistry, will we feel shy, will we flirt... Knowing him he probably won't go anyway!

As much as the whole experience, I'm looking forward to having 4 days off. I'll spend a lot of it driving and stuff but still, any break from work is blissful.

Have a good weekend folks.

I'm completely fucking sick of this, why do I always end up being the mother?

I am going through a hideous lazy patch, I really can't be arsed doing anything. I should be organising where I'm going to meet everyone in Manc but I just don't have the strength. I also need to phone my ex and Nan, write some letters and emails, send some texts, pay some bills, sort a cleaner and iron some clothes. I can't do it, I've lost all motivation. Shit I need to organise a haircut too. At least I got my legs waxed and booked a manicure. Yes, 28 and my first manicure. I'm getting a facial next month too (no ejaculation jokes please).

I finally got the Missy Elliot album Miss E - So addictive, only took me 3 years. It's ace! Unlike the Kelis album, which is very disappointing. Ummm what else. Dunno. Got the Pixies DVD but haven't watched it yet.

I cancelled my Moz CD singles which I had on order from Amazon. I downloaded the tracks from the message board and was sorely disappointed. There were Moz posters all over the lampposts in central London today, it was hella weird. But to be honest I hated it. It doesn't even look like him, the picture could be anyone. I can't get excited, I really don't care anymore. All these years of devotion with no new songs, and now this. I've never felt the same since the 'cease and desist' thing (whether true or hoax). I thought I'd hear the songs and fall in love, but there's only about 2 really good ones. The rest are sooooooooo predictable, I knew what chord change was coming from about 5 seconds away.

You know what, I can't even be arsed with this anymore, I don't have anything to say.

I'm looking forward to meeting Lucretia, and having a proper chat with Tales next weekend :o)

So it's not all bad...

L

Umm.... well.... Pins aka Girl Unafraid keeps emotionally blackmailing me into updating so here goes. Hmmm. It's really difficult these days, so many things swimming round in my head. Plus people keep telling me they like my journal so I feel this insane pressure to make it good! lol. Vanity, how unattractive eh?

Right well ok, what have I been up to? Well Friday was completely hideous. I was hung over and had to do a full survey by myself in the pouring rain, which took 3 hours. It was a fucking hole too. The weekend was rather ace, far too much shagging but what do you expect? Deviancy also took a new twist but believe me, you do NOT want me to go there.

Today I got so stressed that I *almost* had a cigarette. Today's only redeeming feature was the secretary I snogged in January sending me texts telling me how sexy I was looking! I put this down to my freshly-dyed hair which is now quite long, and my new red lippy lol.

Also I had a nice long talk with Alex who I work with. He's 26 but has been qualified for about 3 years now. He's sick of the job too, he didn't leave work until 10.30pm last night. I was telling him how gutted I am that I chose this career when my circumstances were different, and now I feel like I've moved on.

See now I want to write a proper entry but it's 10.30pm and I know I have an 8.30am appointment so I feel like I have to rush off to bed as I've been really knackered recently. That's shit isn't it? Bollocks. Well I don't have much to say anyway. I'm REALLY fucked off at not getting Meltdown tickets, especially now Gene are supporting. I WILL get some though, you just wait! I reckon I can some off a tout on the night for £50 and a blow job LOL. Ahem.

God I'm boring at the moment. See this is why I haven't been updating! Go and read Pillow's gorgeous etchings instead, I implore you!

Love to all xxx

Thanks to Pillow, Bobmozza, Hazza and Candi for their sweet comments on my previous entry xx

Got my period, groovy. Hauled myself to the family planning clinic which was HID-E-OUS. Like, truly. After an hour and ten minutes of shooting filthy looks at the local hoolies-in-the-making whilst the so-called mother said 'Joshua sit daaahhhhn' I finally got in. The doctor was actually REALLY helpful, and actually went through my options rather than just giving me more pills. It transpired that I shouldn't be on that pill as I have a family history of heart disease, as well as being overweight. So we changed pill and in 3 months I'm having an implant in my arm, which is the size of a hairpin. That protects me for 3 YEARS and I don't have to remember to do anything! Woo fucking hoo! On the down side I have high blood pressure apparently. Excellent.

I'm still fucked off. But last night was pretty ace. I managed to get off work at a reasonable hour and met a group of old friends at the pub - who are now Rallen's new work colleagues. Much hilarity ensued and I got rather pissed. Rallen told me to show everyone how large my nipples are so of course I did, again. It was fun to get pissed, and even better to have a cigarette. Don't worry, it was only one and it was menthol.

Right I started this entry hours ago and just came back to it, and as usual I've lost momentum. Let's just say my mood has been rather black for the last week. I'm sick of lots of things and it's making me feel trapped. Selfish people are the bane of my life.

Still can't get any shoes which is a pest, but I did buy a rather gorgeous green raincoat.

Fuck I want a cat.

God I'm so FUCKED OFF.

Hopefully this is the precursor for my period. If not, I'm COMPLETELY fucked.

Marvellous.

Oh much joy, much much joy!!!

Yesterday was the match of the season - ManUre v Liverpool.

I have to confess - my prediction was 2-0, but we were gifted straight away by the absence of Van Nistlerooy and Scholes. Without them the scum were looking decidedly average. The first half came and went and amazingly we didn't concede. In the second half we had such a blatant penalty that no one protested! Now I became VERY excited. My cousin Danny who plays for Liverpool won this fixture for them 0-1 in 2000/1 and 2001/2. I didn't dare hope this could happen again. Now Gerrard and Owen have missed penalties this season, whereas Danny has never missed one. I started hoping and yes, Danny was given the penalty.

OMG as he stood there my heart was in my mouth. If he scored it would be an unprecedented record, something special. If he missed not only would we probably lose but I would be totally gutted. Well of course good old Dan the man powered it into the top right corner and we fucking won!

So we beat the scum, away, 0-1 to a Danny goal. Again! This is huge because without it we'd have gone 6th and practically surrendered our European place.

Poor Rallen, he supports the scum. It must be hard for him to know his team lost because of his girlfriend's genes!!!!

Happy days - this season may have been shit for Liverpool but my god this was something.

Saw the comment Agent, cheers :o)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/3628565.stm

From the main page:

'We are currently putting together a Q/MOJO special edition completely devoted to The Smiths and Morrissey to go on sale at the end of May.

As part of this we are contacting fans worldwide and asking them to vote for their Top 20 Best Smiths and Morrissey Songs Of All Time, for a poll to be published in our special edition.

submit your Top 20 lists (closing date, May 4) via e-mail to us at:
[email protected]'

This is what I sent (NOT in order):

1. Barbarism begins at home
2. Panic
3. The Boy with the thorn in his side
4. Girl Afraid
5. Hand in Glove
6. Handsome Devil
7. How soon is now
8. I want the one I can't have
9. Please please please let me get what I want
10. There is a light that never goes out
11. What she said
12. Alsatian cousin
13. Jack the Ripper
14. Whatever happens I love you
15. Late night, Maudlin Street
16. Lifeguard sleeping, girl drowning
17. Sister I'm a poet
18. Speedway
19. Trouble loves me
20. We'll let you know

Thoughts?