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Tuesday July 24, 07
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03:23 AM - Carry On Camping
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The much longed for hot summer weather just hasn't arrived and we are sodden! I have never in my life experienced such a long wet spell during the so-called summer months. Infact since we returned from sunny Spain at the beginning of June we have hardly had a single day when the heavens haven't opened and I, like most of the population, am thoroughly fed up!
Last Friday it rained so hard and for so long that the village I live in was virtually cut off from the outside world for the entire weekend! I live in a valley and this geographical accident means we are prone to two things. One is very bad television reception and the other is flooding (not the houses luckily but the access roads in and around) Crossing the little brook bridge that marks the boundry last Friday was the most hairy driving experience of my life and the one time I have actually found myself envious of the fuel-guzzling 4x4's my neighbours seem to favour. The flood water was almost half way up the side of my car and I more floated home than drove, my heart beating out of my chest and my palms somewhat sweaty!
Coping in the wet weather is bad enough. Coping with the deludge during the children's school summer break is a BLOODY nightmare. They are already getting stir crazy being stuck inside and the sight of our soggy water logged garden is not exactly enticing. To this end I have found myself thinking of ways we can use the garden "whatever the weather" without actually going to the extreme of purchasing a canoe but I have been at a loss.
That's when it suddenly struck me. At the bottom of the garden next to the Sarge's shed is our old Wendy House. Long since abandoned as the kid's have grown it has become merely a dumping ground for old trikes, disgarded skipping ropes, broken hula-hoops and the like. So on Sunday, equipped with rubber gloves and broom and the garden hose, me and my two able assistants decided to clear out and the clean the Wendy House so the children could play inside it again. Out in the garden but without the extreme inconvience of actually getting wet...BRILLIANT!
It was beyond hideous in that sucker! Over the last couple of summers it had become the home to various creepy crawlies as well as assorted (and VERY big and slimey) slugs and snails. YUCK! I hate slugs and tried to coax the kid's to don the rubber gloves and remove them but they were having none of it. I mentioned that only a few weeks ago they were tenderly caring for the pet snails we had in the fish tank but Rachel said, "That was different, we KNEW those snails!" Incidentally we released Elvin, Sandy and Angela back into the wild when the children got bored of them and they realised that, like humans, snails do actually poo! I had laid the tank on its side with the lid open on the lawn but it took them two whole days to leave. I had begun to wonder whether perhaps they had become institutionalised!
Eventually I resorted to hosing the slimey little monsters off the Wendy House and sweeping them up gently with a dustpan and brush and then tipping them into the flower beds (*NOTE* No slugs OR snails were harmed during this operation) After a quick spruce up the Wendy House was fit for human habitation again.....
http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u258/almareallymatters/Camping001.jpg
The children CRAWLED inside slug-like on their belly's. Neither of them could stand upright once inside. Had they played in there for any length of time they would have developed horribly hunched backs and quickly resembled extra's from The Lord Of The Rings! After all our hard work it quickly became clear that the children were just TOO FUCKING BIG FOR THE WENDY HOUSE! What a bloody anti-climax after all our hard work...and back to the proverbial drawing-board!
Ah ha! Never one to be beaten I remembered that up in the attic we had a brightly coloured childrens pop-up tent from the Early-BLOODY-Learning-BLOODY-Centre. It hadn't been used for a while but I felt sure I could located it fairly easily and all my problems would be solved. The children were VERY excited at the prospect of the tent and I wasted no time in pulling down the loft ladder, climbing up and sticking my head bravely into the void.
I am quite frankly terrified of going in the attic. As well as not being safe (one could quite easily fall through the ceiling I reckon) it is also I imagine teeming with wildlife. Spiders and bugs and maybe even bats.....eeek! (well, maybe bats IS taking things a bit far!) I flashed a torch around with the kid's at the bottom of the ladder willing me to overcome my fears and retrieve the tent of their dreams. Suddenly I caught a glimpse of the holy grail that was the pop-up tent by the light of the torch but it was just out of reach. Did I bravely climb up and get it? No I did NOT! I got the broom from the kitchen and sort of nudged and poked and pulled until the tent was mine all mine *EMPLOYS FIENDISH LAUGH*
I took the pop-up tent out in the garden and, well, popped-it up! There is an audible disatisfied groan of disappointment. The kid's are just TOO FUCKING BIG FOR THE POP-UP TENT!
http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u258/almareallymatters/Camping003.jpg
Enough is enough! On this damp gloomy Sunday morning we wanna camp and by hook or by crook camping is what we are gonna do. I will NOT be beaten! The three of us jump in the car, float into town on the tide and pay a visit to the local camping emporium who have a "MASSIVE SUMMER SALE" on...what brilliant luck! Mind you...I guess trade must be kinda slack...I mean...who in their right FUCKING mind is going to want to go camping in this weather right? We do, that's who!
I jubilantly slap the old plastic down on the counter and buy a smart blue two-man tent half price in the sale for £15.00. We float back home excitedly to errect our tent but are up against time as the weather conditions are worsening and I figure we really do need to have it up and be safely inside before the next British summertime monsoon hits!
The last time I pitched a tent must have been at the Reading or Glastonbury Festival in my youth under the influence of a few gallons of cheap cider and copious amounts of recreational drugs (in my pre-Sarge days of course) I managed it then when I was totally shit-faced....just how hard can it be?
Very BLOODY hard is the answer! But an hour later, just before the light drizzle turned to a typhoon, I stood back and admired this....
http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u258/almareallymatters/Camping002.jpg
Not bad hey!? And all my own work too! I am VERY proud!
We spent most of the afternoon in our new tent. We filled it with cushions and with books and crayons and board games and the radio...the rain continued to fall...but we we were cosy and warm and, above all, dry. We even had our lunch in the tent (a big plate of bacon sandwiches and glasses of chocolate milk) We laid down like three little sardines in a tin with the fly sheet open and our heads poking out watching the rain falling and listening to the radio. Our very own Glastonbury!...albeit with an Enid Blyton type Famous Five edge!
The children have asked the Sarge if they can camp out one night over the holidays in the garden. The entire night spent under canvass in their sleeping bags...what an adventure. The Sarge has agreed but says they will have to wait until the weather improves. Till the rain finally stops falling, the ground has dried out and the nights are warmer...what a trooper!
So there you have it...victory over the elements! Despite the weather the children are getting outside and using the garden again. I am still holding out for the sunshine though. For the days when we can get the blow-up paddling pool out and mess about in the water in the heat of the afternoon sun. Although I have no doubt that when it come down to it the kid's will be just TOO FUCKING BIG FOR THE PADDLING POOL!
The Sarge, the prospect of a whole night spent wedged in the two-man tent between his wriggly, sweaty off-spring looming over him, doesn't seem half as keen for the "sun to get his hat on" as I do! Infact when he goes to work today his pre-shift briefing to his motley crew of troops may represent a bit of a departure for the Sarge. They will abandon the briefing room in favour of the exercise yard and he will lead twenty of Her Majesty's finest uniform clad Police Officers in this....
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sQy4hejJOUk
Love Alma xxx
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Currently my daughter is making 'caves' by putting blankets over the kitchen table and sitting underneath. Other than baking cakes or playing board games, there isn't really too much to do. Sometimes we have a disco and dance around the kitchen together.
Are you having the wet weather that we have been seeing on the telly? I'm pretty bad at geography