Because my poblems are painful to face, I stick my head in the sand, and the problems get bigger and lustier, though they lay off temporarily, rewarding me for being unobtrusive.
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• hours of housework today then please. I’m about to train myself to keep up with the Joneses? Uh oh. Seems you take hits either way, from one side or other or more likely, both. Vicious madmen/women all over the place not knowing how to communicate effectively enough or to spend quality time with their souls to clean out the crap and I’m referring to just about anyone, even those I adore for having stuck their necks out for what they feel is the compassionate thing to do, whether they knew they were sticking it out or not.
• I have no idea what I was saying now. It was about people, and sticking the neck out, but still, being subject to the conditions of life that make them vicious, that was it. And, taking it from both sides, because I don’t fit in on either and so being sabotaged by both.
• Everyone fighting with everyone who seems to have opposing agendas, and so the Joneses, and all those that try to keep up with them, hating on those who don’t try to, and the ones who hate the Joneses and all those followers of them, sabotaging anyone who seems to be Jonesesque, and it’s oh so many people, hurting each other when really most people are only doing their very best to be good, and, well, it means doing very poorly, being vicious, and taking a crow bar up the ass, being destroyed, destroying, by your neighbor, at your neighbor, we all destroy each other. It isn’t limited to jail, or high school, or male/female relations, or the poor, or the middle class, the working class, it’s everyone, all over, terrified of each other, a paranoia that is self-fulfilling.
• Take it or leave it, I say to myself. It’s a mish mash. I’m quitting expecting purity, perfection, because that is exactly what’s been keeping me down, abject on all fours on the floor able to go nowhere but into the ground prematurely and extra stinky and miserable.