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The Truth

about Ruth
I didn't go into my usual haunt tonight. I got fed up of Adam saying I was horrible for being gay, the other night. He filmed me as well and said I'd gone viral.
If you're going to keep drinking shots I think you'd probably better go where they know you even if they do think you're horrible. I don't want to say "at your age" but that kind of drinking is for people in their 20's. You're supposed to know how to drink so no one looking can even tell. Think Oliver Reed.
 

The Truth

about Ruth
I was tempted to just forget it and go in, but something stopped me. I wouldn't have taken that abusive language if I was, sober. I feel I've been going through the motions today. I told Craig he should branch out and have a pub drive in where you can drink in your car. Do you think it'll catch on?

I was reading that all the pubs are becoming family oriented and people are taking their kids there for lunch now and trying to get people not to swear. I think that is the trend.
 

The Truth

about Ruth
When I strip danced, sometimes I was a go getter, but at other times I could be found hiding from the customers in a bathroom cubicle crying. One fellow stripper thought I'd had a miscarriage because there was so much water on the floor from my tears.
I knew a waitress whose boyfriend was a trucker. He would give her the speed he took to drive all night. Not powder but some kind of pills. She would take those pills and then smoke cigarettes to stay somewhat calm and sometimes she would go in the bathroom and cry.It was scary to watch her smoke a cigarette because she would draw on it really hard so the end really lit up. I would pass out if I tried to take one hit off a cigarette like that.
Being a crying dancer is probably bad for tips.
 

Light Housework

useless eater
I knew a waitress whose boyfriend was a trucker. He would give her the speed he took to drive all night. Not powder but some kind of pills. She would take those pills and then smoke cigarettes to stay somewhat calm and sometimes she would go in the bathroom and cry.It was scary to watch her smoke a cigarette because she would draw on it really hard so the end really lit up. I would pass out if I tried to take one hit off a cigarette like that.
Being a crying dancer is probably bad for tips.
If you can't smile, you can't make a dime.
 

rifke

bodhisattva
had lunch with my old man friend today. I thought it was going to be weird but it was alright. he's a very nice person and we talked about me most of the time so that helped. also, the food was good.
 

The Truth

about Ruth
Nothing is natural with me. Every reaction has been rehearsed and choreographed. It's been years in the making. Everything I do is from a set text. Everything is done for effect.
I'd ask you to consider if this is true. It sounds like something to feel in control. But maybe you're right.
 

The Truth

about Ruth
I don't mind people seeing what I think, I just don't want them seeing the methods I deploy in the process. It's embarrassing to let people know you think about thinking. It's embarrassing to admit you spend countless hours contemplating life in a cool detached way and still come out and act the clown. There's a lot of work that goes into being a clown. If people could see the machinations behind it they'd call me a fraud.
What if people did call you a fraud?
That's sad about writing notebooks and destroying it. I did that once.
I kind of wrote some things I was working out and this was before everyone had a computer so it was written with pen in notebooks. It was about five notebooks full and then once I'd written it I didn't want anyone to read it so I went for a walk with my dog with the notebooks. I was next to this river on a dirt road between two fields and I threw the notebooks in the river. They floated. And just then this car pulled off the highway onto the dirt road. It was a farmer. He got out of the car and was looking around and all the books floated right by him so it had to be so obvious I threw them away. Once I wrote it it's like I was over it and I didn't need to read it again. It might be interesting to know if I would see things differently now but I don't think I would have wanted to drag those books around with me anyway.
 

The Truth

about Ruth
I don't know truth. It's as though I'm in a movie watching myself over my shoulder. Assessing the impact of what I'm doing and saying, ever vigilant, ever wanting a result. Playing it out and never succumbing. Today I'm going to be vulnerable, tomorrow I'm going to be unapproachable, yesterday ill be conciliatory. The cards are marked before I start.
There is a name for that. I forget right now but I'll post it when I remember.
 

Light Housework

useless eater
What if people did call you a fraud?
That's sad about writing notebooks and destroying it. I did that once.
I kind of wrote some things I was working out and this was before everyone had a computer so it was written with pen in notebooks. It was about five notebooks full and then once I'd written it I didn't want anyone to read it so I went for a walk with my dog with the notebooks. I was next to this river on a dirt road between two fields and I threw the notebooks in the river. They floated. And just then this car pulled off the highway onto the dirt road. It was a farmer. He got out of the car and was looking around and all the books floated right by him so it had to be so obvious I threw them away. Once I wrote it it's like I was over it and I didn't need to read it again. It might be interesting to know if I would see things differently now but I don't think I would have wanted to drag those books around with me anyway.
I threw away a lot of pen writings too. I had a mold problem and all paper was contaminated. The next time, a certain antipsychotic medication I was on made me feel like throwing almost everything sentimental away.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
had lunch with my old man friend today. I thought it was going to be weird but it was alright. he's a very nice person and we talked about me most of the time so that helped. also, the food was good.
So you got laid at last, whopee slow clap.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
When I strip danced, sometimes I was a go getter, but at other times I could be found hiding from the customers in a bathroom cubicle crying. One fellow stripper thought I'd had a miscarriage because there was so much water on the floor from my tears.
Cannot even imagine what it is like.
 

realitybites

making lemonade
Subscriber
after looking at some of the sites I've decided that this probably isn't really my kind of thing. AT ALL. I think ill just stick to being a best selling novelist! thanks though!
If you were going to be a best-selling novelist you would’ve been one already. People who have a real talent and passion for writing, write every day and they’re very disciplined; they don’t wait till the circumstances are perfect because you know what, they never will be perfect.
 

Light Housework

useless eater
It's as though it's a crime to be seen to be taking life seriously. I'd rather be found with drugs than be caught with any incriminating evidence suggesting I was thinking about how to go about living life effectively. Yet I can talk about these things here. It's always embarrassing to let people see your technique. To let people see you've thought things through, and are edging your bets on a stock response. Engineering responses. Playing safe. Knowing how far to go. Knowing what will make people react in a certain way. Basically, playing a game. Living life as a movie with the ending you filmed beforehand.
To me life is an unpredictable dance that I try to execute gracefully and graciously.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Today it became clear that Greta and the kids are against people becoming millionaires. That is what this is about and it's the same old marxists we've seen for ages who are backing this up.
They are all jealous of people that made it and many of those people are behind companies creating technology that will come up with solutions that is good for the climate.
Communism will never ever save the planet, only capitalism is able to spur on innovations and change. Greta and her people are on the wrong side of history and really believe they can force people to stop living life the way they want to.
War is more likely than them dictating things. They have no clue what they are up against.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
If you were going to be a best-selling novelist you would’ve been one already. People who have a real talent and passion for writing, write every day and they’re very disciplined; they don’t wait till the circumstances are perfect because you know what, they never will be perfect.
They all rise early and write for a few hours. But only after a jewish publisher have approved of their ideas and they have written at least one book about the hollyhoax and if the writer is not jewish they have to pay at least 50% of any earnings to the jewish publisher.
You would be baffled if you checked out all the publishers of the world and who runs them. They used books as a way to gain popularity and acceptance and spread lies but the tide has turned and more and more people realise this.
I know this is offensive to you who married one but he was not a power elite jew and ordinary jews are looked down on by the power elite as much as they look down on goyims like you and me.
We really need to burn all the books again.
 
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