My secret's my enzyme.
"I invented this incredible thing that helps people free their cars stuck in mud and am going to make a movie demonstrating how it works. Hmmmmmm, what pants should I wear?"
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Whenever I have a guest spend the night, I sorta go overboard a little. I make sure the sheets are dried with lavender dryer sheets and a fresh candle is burning in the guest bedroom and fresh flowers on the table and lots of crackers and cheese and olives and cookies and blah to grab from. So last time my friend who will be here tomorrow did this thing that made me SO FLIPPIN' MAD for no good reason other than I developed a new pet peeve...there were three types of crackers from Sprouts, really nice crackers, like a rice one, a multigrain one, a water one...maybe even a fourth. I had lots of hummus too and the rules are mi casa su casa, if you're hungry go get some crackers and eat whatever you want, I don't set them out all the time but guests always can get a bite if they want. So over the course of an evening, she opened ALL FOUR BOXES OF CRACKERS. HAD ONE OR TWO. THEN LEFT ALL THE BOXES OPEN TO GET STALE. I discovered this in the morning. $14 worth of crackers wasted. (I hate stale crackers.)
So this time? f*** her. SHe's getting Downton Abbey crackers. If she wants a snack she can have a piece of chocolate from the candy dish or a cutie. (I'm sure I'll break down tomorrow and go to Vons and get some snacks but not tonight! Also I've never done these cracker things, I wanted to try it. )
B is for Bitch. I'd like to dedicate tonight's throwdown to Playcat who wouldn't be able to find the parking lot of The Grove unless someone drove her there.