Blog entries by Tibby

Tibby
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I feel numb. I`m not sure if it`s the meds or not. I feel empty inside. I don`t seem capable of much these days. I look in the mirror and all I see is emptiness in my eyes. My body feels exhausted all the time. This illness takes so much from me. I don`t see my purpose in life. I don`t feel...
Tibby
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My week didn`t start out so well. I started the new med my psychiatrist prescribed to me last week and it didn`t agree with me. It made me sick to my stomach. I won`t be taking that again. When I saw him last week he also prescribed something that would help my anxiety during the day. I took it...
Tibby
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I think I`ve written before about my anxiety coming on when it gets dark outside. It used to be different with me. A couple of years or so I only used to sleep about every other night. I had/have really bad insomnia. Now I do sleep every night that`s if I take my meds. No meds means no sleep...
Tibby
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I can`t help feel that way tonight. I was just sitting here and a feeling of dread washed over me. I have my family and I love them but I can`t help feeling so lonely. When it gets dark it gets worse . I hate the night. My day went well enough but these awful feelings take over at night. I feel...
Tibby
3 min read
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I still do. I feel so lonely in this illness. I celebrated a nice Thanksgiving with my family but I couldn`t help feeling lonely even surrounded by family.The thing is I felt alone because my sisters all have their spouses and kids and I don`t have any of that. I know that I don`t need anybody...
Tibby
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I think I hate this feeling of emptiness more than the depression. No....I think I hate both equally. I feel so empty inside right now. I wonder what my being on this earth is for. I feel like I don`t contribute anything. I feel so worthless. I am nothing ,nobody . Sometimes it takes everything...
Tibby
2 min read
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I never thought my life would end up this way when I was growing up.Yet here I am. I started to become ill in my twenties. I didn`t know what was happening to me at first. I thought I must be going crazy. Turns out it was all too true. I can`t tell you how scary it was. It was/still is awful to...
Tibby
2 min read
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I`m not sure when I accepted that I will never have some things in life that most people have.I just have accepted that fact.I don`t know if that`s giving up or being realistic.I know it`s mostly my fault.I was always too scared of everything.Afraid of rejection and afraid of being judged by...
Tibby
1 min read
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I used to take comfort from that package of razor blades tucked away in the one of the drawers.That package is still there.I still have them but I don`t take comfort in that anymore.I haven`t done it in a long time and I promised someone that I wouldn`t do it again.Funnily enough I sometimes...
Tibby
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I feel lost.I feel lost in this life,in this world.I feel like there is no place for me and I feel I haven`t any purpose in life.I want to find my way I just don`t know how or where to start.Most people my age have already figured this out I guess. I just want my chance at a life I can be proud...
Tibby
2 min read
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There are many things I`ve come to realize with illness or maybe it`s that I`ve lost hope.I don`t know which one it is.I`ve just been thinking a great deal about these things recently.More specifically I`ve been thinking about the things I`ll never have.I`m not trying to be negative or bitter or...
Tibby
1 min read
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786
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I have a deep sense of sadness inside of me.It never leaves me and never goes away.I`ve been this way a very long time.It`s so deep inside of me that it hurts my body.My stomach aches and burns and my head hurts.I get so desperate sometimes.....I don`t really want to die but I just want this...
Tibby
2 min read
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2K
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I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn`t get back to sleep.So here I am at 2:40 in the morning.I`m tired but my thoughts won`t let me rest. I had a nice day today.My sister and my nephew and cousin came over and we had a nice time visiting.I also kept myself busy today by doing a few...
Tibby
2 min read
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1K
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I hate feeling empty and numb.The meds don`t seem to be doing much.It`s not that I`d think that they will ever instantly cure me.At least they seem to help the anxiety a little.I know I just said that I hate feeling empty and numb but feeling numb is sometimes good.It`s better than the...
Tibby
1 min read
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Another year has begun and here we still are.The meds have been upped and here we are.Maybe I should give the higher dose a chance to kick in.I feel like deep,deep down in my heart I have given up.I`ve given up the chance to have a somewhat normal life.I will never have the kids the...
Tibby
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To anybody reading this (if anybody reads this?)I hope you had a very merry Christmas and I hope you have a really fantastic new year!!! I spent Christmas with my family and it was very nice.The day went very well and I got through it okay.I got some really cool Star Wars stuff (yeah I admit...
Tibby
2 min read
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I`m feeling very tired right now.I`m feeling like time is passing me by and I have nothing to show for it.And of course it`s all my fault.I was going to college when I first became ill.I never finished as a result of this.Therefore I`ve done absolutely nothing with my life.I`m just a loser...
Tibby
1 min read
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1K
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And empty and lonely. My day started out nice.We went to see my little niece get an award at her school then we went to breakfast.I don`t know what the hell it is with me but my depression tends to get worse as the day goes on.I feel worse at night.I just lay in...
Tibby
1 min read
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I`ve really been missing you my old friend.I`ve been missing the relief you used to bring me.I remember the peace.....peace maybe that`s not the right word.I remember you used to make me feel better... well at least for a little while.You used to help me let out everything I can`t say out...
Tibby
1 min read
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2K
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4
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and this emptiness fills my heart~Peter Gabriel That`s how a great deal of my days feel.They feel empty and meaningless.I feel I have nothing to show for this life.I just feel so tired most of the time.I`m reaching a point of not wanting to try anymore.It`s just too difficult,it hurts.It...
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