Blog entries by Tibby

Tibby
1 min read
Views
3K
Comments
4
General
I feel like I am not living but just existing. I feel so lonely sometimes.This illness has made me a worthless,nothing.I feel as if I lived my life just staring out the window watching the world go by.I`ve watched people living out their lives while I hid inside. I`ve always lived inside...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
1K
General
I hate the ugly scars on my arm.It`s my fault that they are there though.I made them.I made them by carving into my arm with razors and broken glass or just anything sharp that I thought would do the job.I also burned my arm with matches or lighters.I would do anything to make those feelings go...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
Comments
5
General
I usually never write here at this hour but I had a dream and it just had made me feel like it. I have never been the type of girl who dreamed of big,white wedding dresses and big,fancy weddings.That just wasn`t me. But I didn`t dream of being alone either. I have my family but I can`t help...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
Comments
1
General
I have days that are good and days that are bad.I have days when I can`t stand the thoughts going around and around inside my head.It`s hard to be tormented by your own brain.I get so exhausted sometimes.I want some peace of mind.I`m tired of feeling tired all the time.I would like to find my...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
2K
General
It`s dark now.Time for the loneliness to come to and settle in for the rest of the evening.I always feel so lonely at night.I used to stay up all night and not want to go to bed.That also used to be the time of day when I would mainly hurt myself.It was when I was up late at night and everyone...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
938
General
I`m sitting here staring into the screen. I feel an absolute emptiness that makes my heart ache.I`m feeling numb and empty and afraid all at the same time.I`m so tired of being tormented by my own mind.When I am able to I try to do things to keep myself busy and sometimes that does help.Then...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
3K
Comments
7
General
I'm up late tonight and I don`t feel like going to bed either.I don`t know if that`s good or bad.I am just listening to music right now.Music has always given me pleasure except when I am in my worst states. That has always been one of the worst things I felt in my depressions.That is the...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
1K
Comments
3
General
Sometimes I think I can`t take this one minute more.Sometimes it`s just okay.I try to hold it together on the outside,I try to let everyone think I`m okay.I think they can tell I`m not.I feel like it gets harder and harder to keep everything inside.It feels awful to feel this way inside.My...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
3K
Comments
3
General
After many,many months of abstaining I failed at something once again.I turned to the razor again.I guess I took the easy way out.Instead of trying to deal with pain inside I hurt myself on the outside.The feelings I feel inside are more painful than the wounds I inflict on myself on the...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
Comments
4
General
I guess I`ve been having a tough time of it lately.Earlier this week I had to go the emergency room again.I was having an allergic reaction to one of my meds.So now I have to go off of this medication.That one had replaced the lithium which I had to go off because of it`s unwanted side effects...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
8K
Comments
4
General
I`m very,very down at the moment.Last week I became physically ill and had to go to the emergency room.In the end I was admitted to the hospital and spent a couple of days there.I`m physically ok now.I was so scared while I was there though.I just became so overwhelmed and upset that I just...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
1K
General
I wish I could just cry my heart out and let all of this out.I just can`t seem to do it though.I keep all of this inside me.It`s been getting harder to keep it in.I guess that`s probably one of the reason`s I used to hurt myself. I didn`t have another way of releasing those emotions.I`ve just...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
2K
Comments
4
General
I`ve been ill for many years now.I haven`t accomplished much of anything for the years I`ve been sick.When I became ill I had to drop out of school, so there went that.My sister`s have jobs and husbands and children and I have none of that. I`ve always felt so bad about myself that I never even...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
1K
General
Last year was very hard.Not only was the depression overwhelming but I also felt this enormous sense of emptiness.I felt like there was a huge void inside me,like there was nothing left at all.I felt very,very sad but at the same time I couldn`t feel anything at all. I started to get panic...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
1K
General
Things have been pretty difficult for me this year with my illness.The depression part of my illness is hitting me pretty hard this year.Not that it`s ever gone.It`s always with me and though it`s hard I`ve sort of come to accept that it will always be there.These past few months have been...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
Comments
1
General
That`s how I feel sometimes.Like I am dead inside. Everything I see is grey.I can`t see color anymore.I can`t enjoy the things that once gave me pleasure. I feel so, so blue yet at the same time feel nothing. I can`t feel happy.I`ve come to dread the night when the anxiety usually hits me. All I...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
General
I`ve come to dread the night.It`s the time I feel most afraid.It`s when I can`t sleep or stop those crowded,rapid thoughts from overwhelming me. It`s also the time when I feel most like hurting myself.Sometimes it helps to turn those thoughts off.It helps me when I can`t stop thinking.That`s why...
Tibby
1 min read
Views
2K
Comments
2
General
I went to the psych today. I told him my anxiety was still very bad and that I still was having trouble sleeping. He prescribed lithium for me today. I`m really,really scared to take it after reading all about the side effects online.He thinks it might help with someone with my...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
1K
General
No sleep tonight I guess.Maybe the meds will kick in a little later but then again maybe they won`t. I lay down and close my eyes..... the thoughts keep spinning around my head.I can`t rest or relax. I want to sleep and at least have some peace from this.But of course I just can`t stop them...
Tibby
2 min read
Views
1K
General
That`s what the psych said when he asked me how I was and I said I was okay. He told me I was the saddest person he had seen in a while. I guess I`m good at something after all. The wait was long today as I sat in that uncomfortable waiting room. I like the psych he`s nice but the...
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