Two nights ago, I get home and my wife shares an email with me. It was from my sons teacher, informing us that she had information he was making an inappropriate gesture to her while her back was turned in class. My wife had already spoke with my son and he said he did not do it. No mother wants to think that their child could ever do anything wrong and I understand that. But I want my son to be honest and even if he makes mistakes, I want him to be able to face them.
I spoke with my son privately that night and I asked him the same thing his mother had asked. His answer was the same, that he didn't do it. But I chose to ask the same question a different way. I explained, the teacher didn't make this up, so something happened or somebody is lying to the teacher. I am familiar with what gestures he does know that are bad. I asked him if he has ever used a bad gesture in class but not directed at the teacher. Reluctantly, he said he has and as recently as last week to one of his friends. My son was crying and I could tell it made him very uncomfortable to have to admit something like that to me, something that made him look bad.
At this point I told my son I was proud of him because he didn't lie to me. I also told him I was disappointed that he was participating in conduct like that in class.
I understand why my son didn't initially tell me, because he participated in less than desirable conduct. I surmised and explained to him that somebody must've saw him do that to his friend and assumed he was doing it at the teacher.
I told him I'd support him and I would talk to his teacher. I told him I would like him to admit his conduct to the teacher. I explained that there may be consequences for his actions and I don't know what those consequences are going to be.
My son looked very scared. This was a moment. I looked at him and I told him "I got your back", I will kick down doors for you, I will run into burning buildings for you, all you have to do is be honest with me and I will always stand by you. We hugged, he cried and said "I know".
We went to school together the next morning and I talked to the teacher. My son was brave and collected himself. He said what he needed to say about his conduct in class to the teacher. The teacher was touched that my son did what he did and gave him no punishment. My son was ready to accept punishment but he got none. But the biggest lesson is my son knows he doesn't need to lie, because I got his back.
I spoke with my son privately that night and I asked him the same thing his mother had asked. His answer was the same, that he didn't do it. But I chose to ask the same question a different way. I explained, the teacher didn't make this up, so something happened or somebody is lying to the teacher. I am familiar with what gestures he does know that are bad. I asked him if he has ever used a bad gesture in class but not directed at the teacher. Reluctantly, he said he has and as recently as last week to one of his friends. My son was crying and I could tell it made him very uncomfortable to have to admit something like that to me, something that made him look bad.
At this point I told my son I was proud of him because he didn't lie to me. I also told him I was disappointed that he was participating in conduct like that in class.
I understand why my son didn't initially tell me, because he participated in less than desirable conduct. I surmised and explained to him that somebody must've saw him do that to his friend and assumed he was doing it at the teacher.
I told him I'd support him and I would talk to his teacher. I told him I would like him to admit his conduct to the teacher. I explained that there may be consequences for his actions and I don't know what those consequences are going to be.
My son looked very scared. This was a moment. I looked at him and I told him "I got your back", I will kick down doors for you, I will run into burning buildings for you, all you have to do is be honest with me and I will always stand by you. We hugged, he cried and said "I know".
We went to school together the next morning and I talked to the teacher. My son was brave and collected himself. He said what he needed to say about his conduct in class to the teacher. The teacher was touched that my son did what he did and gave him no punishment. My son was ready to accept punishment but he got none. But the biggest lesson is my son knows he doesn't need to lie, because I got his back.
