There are many things I`ve come to realize with illness or maybe it`s that I`ve lost hope.I don`t know which one it is.I`ve just been thinking a great deal about these things recently.More specifically I`ve been thinking about the things I`ll never have.I`m not trying to be negative or bitter or anything like that.It`s just that I`ve come (right or wrong) to accept these things because of the hand I`ve been dealt.
I`ve learned that I`ll never have certain things in life that a lot of people take for granted.Things like never having my own children or even having a significant other.The latter being my own fault because I was always too scared of rejection or getting hurt.My self esteem is lower than the floor.I`ve never thought I was good enough for anybody.I`ve been told "things can change" "it can still happen for you.Maybe it`s because I`m ill or maybe I`m just a worthless loser but I don`t believe those things anymore. I know this all sounds negative but honestly I don`t mean to be.It just hurts too much to hope for these kind of things anymore.I`m so tired of feeling sad all the time or feeling nothing at all. I just feel generally hopeless.Right now I feel like things will never get better.Even though I`m going through this I`m still grateful for all the things I do have like a very supportive mother and other family.Like I love spending time with my little nieces and nephews.I `m grateful for my creativity.What I`d like most in the world(besides basic needs) is peace of mind.I just want everything to be ok.
I`ve learned that I`ll never have certain things in life that a lot of people take for granted.Things like never having my own children or even having a significant other.The latter being my own fault because I was always too scared of rejection or getting hurt.My self esteem is lower than the floor.I`ve never thought I was good enough for anybody.I`ve been told "things can change" "it can still happen for you.Maybe it`s because I`m ill or maybe I`m just a worthless loser but I don`t believe those things anymore. I know this all sounds negative but honestly I don`t mean to be.It just hurts too much to hope for these kind of things anymore.I`m so tired of feeling sad all the time or feeling nothing at all. I just feel generally hopeless.Right now I feel like things will never get better.Even though I`m going through this I`m still grateful for all the things I do have like a very supportive mother and other family.Like I love spending time with my little nieces and nephews.I `m grateful for my creativity.What I`d like most in the world(besides basic needs) is peace of mind.I just want everything to be ok.