What Would *Your* Personals Ad Look Like?

[Dumbles]

Here's mine:

WANTED

Generous, polite, clean SINGLE Morrissey/Smiths fan wanted by computer-building, pseudo-psycho, pretentiously arty female progressive rock fan for exotic times and hot marriage. Must understand that I cannot be dominated and that I'm always right, even when I'm wrong. Must be a bottom. MUST enjoy Red Dwarf. Please be disease-free. Drug-free is optional. Computer programming or computer hardware knowledge/experience a plus, but not necessary. Bearing a resemblance to Kate Winslet or Sheryl Lee Ralph is a plus, but again, is not necessary (esp. if you happen to be male, in which case that would just be scary.) Contact me, now! I'm covered in melted chocolate Magic Shell syrup and I'm waiting for you!

 

[Mr.Improper PIMP often imitated,but never duplicat]

Here's mine:

PIMP of the nation...seeks hot ass woman who wears a thong,likes yoshinoya, morrissey,hockey,golf,football. Must understand I'm the PIMP,I rule,you dont,It's all about me, It's morrissey's world we just live in it,follows directions well,likes to make money,likes having sex with PIMP's, only speaks when spoken to,hates:johnny marr,mike joyce,donkey dicks who ask dumb ass questions like this,every NHL team but the wings,hairy people,people who lie,people who stink,fat people, people with not an ounce of sense in their head,people who dont like wrestling,people who think Mr.Improper isnt the PIMP of the nation.....

Thats my list....it's a beaut...isnt it????

 

[Mr.Improper PIMP often imitated,but never duplicat]

This is what mine would like....SERIOUSLY!L@@K! L@@K!

Wanted:

Someone as fugly as me. Who am I? Im a monster who beleives I've got the wit and humor of the best out there, and by the way I am out there. If you can put up with a creature whose brain was lifted from his skull when he was a young child and makes the world pay for it by being a nuisance to society...THAN I"M THE ONE FOR YOU!! I'm unedumacated and as ghetto as they come. LOVES: big black dicks(but I insist...IM NOT GAY!), midget pornos,cigarillos, toe jam, molded bread,fun with farm animals,having sex with my own birth mother(and father), watching Queer Eye For The Weird Guy,listening to homo rock,vomit soup,rap music,bashing afro-americans, my poopshooter (for the pleasure men bring me through it!). HATES: intelligence,illiteracy,illegals,imbeciles,incompetence,women(hate to the 4th power if all the above apply to a woman),abrahan"fatty bug eyed"garza,myself,alcohol,the "cool" people,having sex with women (because none would give me the time of day, MTV, Sex In The City, my cardboard box I call home, my 1977 Gremlin for always being in the shop. Sooooooo, if I sound good and interesting and you dont mind eating from a can of sardines for our first dates please drop me a line!

Im so lonely I'll even date your family pet. Anyway did I ever mention what a looker I am? Yeah, I look exactly like the kid that played Bud Bundy from Married With Children. Yup Im a dead ringer for David Faustino. Im 4'9 and a 1/2. Shit-brown color hair, little acne, but I apply baby oil to help. I love to wear my open toed sandals with my favorite pair of acid washed jeans circa '88. I wake up to the sound of Howard Stern every morning and I prefer tighty whiteys opposed to boxers. Call me!

...actually I couldnt pay my phone bill and it got caught off, so email me!
[email protected] (the 1987 is the year I was born!)I am a white male.
Thanks and looking forward to the great responses! Here is a little something to hold you over! 8=====> ... (my private member aka my peney)

 

[suzaanne]

This is the most f***ing hilarious thing I HAVE EVER read on the board! Great Spoof!roflmao!

 

[Mr.Improper PIMP that eats yoshinoya]

Re: Dont ignore the fact that i was with your mom last night.

Wow,that was funny...not as funny as that time i was gang raping your mom with the maintenance guy,an oompa loompa, a coat hanger,and a hobo. Trust me,your mom did things most women can only dream of..... Seriously,She has a gift... She should be proud.

 

[Mr.Improper PIMP that eats yoshinoya]

Re: This is what mine would like....SERIOUSLY!L@@K! L@@K!

Say what you want...im not only the PIMP of the nation...the guy who EVERYONE HERE wants to be like,But,Im also the guy who has a post on the main page..... It's true what i say...Often imitatedbut never duplicated...you cant imitate greatness....as youve all found out. I rule,you dont...get over yourselves!!!!.

 

[-:-]

Poor Improper

you could be king of whatever imaginary universe you'd like to be, that fact is, that post cracked me up mostly because I actually pictured you as a bud bundy type looking person. If I could give a top prize for best post of the year, that person who posted that masterpiece would have top honors!

Still Laughing,
-:-

 

[Mr.Improper PIMP that eats yoshinoya]

Re: Poor Improper

Im not mad...hell i found it rather whimsicle myself. Not true,but whimsicle. You see like i said....No matter what you say, I rule!!!! where's your post on the front page???? where??? oh right,you dont have one. next time you want to open your lip,stick to what your good at....pickle gargling.

 

[Mr. Steven Patrick Morrissey]

Re: This is what mine would like....SERIOUSLY!L@@K! L@@K!

> Wanted:

> Someone as fugly as me. Who am I? Im a monster who beleives I've got the
> wit and humor of the best out there, and by the way I am out there. If you
> can put up with a creature whose brain was lifted from his skull when he
> was a young child and makes the world pay for it by being a nuisance to
> society...THAN I"M THE ONE FOR YOU!! I'm unedumacated and as ghetto
> as they come. LOVES: big black dicks(but I insist...IM NOT GAY!), midget
> pornos,cigarillos, toe jam, molded bread,fun with farm animals,having sex
> with my own birth mother(and father), watching Queer Eye For The Weird
> Guy,listening to homo rock,vomit soup,rap music,bashing afro-americans, my
> poopshooter (for the pleasure men bring me through it!). HATES:
> intelligence,illiteracy,illegals,imbeciles,incompetence,women(hate to the
> 4th power if all the above apply to a woman),abrahan"fatty bug
> eyed"garza,myself,alcohol,the "cool" people,having sex with
> women (because none would give me the time of day, MTV, Sex In The City,
> my cardboard box I call home, my 1977 Gremlin for always being in the
> shop. Sooooooo, if I sound good and interesting and you dont mind eating
> from a can of sardines for our first dates please drop me a line!

> Im so lonely I'll even date your family pet. Anyway did I ever mention
> what a looker I am? Yeah, I look exactly like the kid that played Bud
> Bundy from Married With Children. Yup Im a dead ringer for David Faustino.
> Im 4'9 and a 1/2. Shit-brown color hair, little acne, but I apply baby oil
> to help. I love to wear my open toed sandals with my favorite pair of acid
> washed jeans circa '88. I wake up to the sound of Howard Stern every
> morning and I prefer tighty whiteys opposed to boxers. Call me!

> ...actually I couldnt pay my phone bill and it got caught off, so email
> me!
> [email protected] (the 1987 is the year I was born!)I am a white
> male.
> Thanks and looking forward to the great responses! Here is a little
> something to hold you over! 8=====> ... (my private member aka my
> peney)

too funny!

 

[Exposing Illiterates]

Whimsicle? Is that a new kind of frozen treat? Learn to spell.

 

[The Informer]

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