The more you know about Borderline personality disorder, the more you wish you didn't.
A simple (“simple”) mood disorder such as bipolar can be treated with medication, but a personality disorder like borderline makes it impossible to ever socialize normally and have healthy, stable relationships with anyone.
Bipolar disorder is a condition you live with and manage, but borderline personality disorder is who you are.
It's you. It's your personality.
Up to 60% of Cluster B’s are comorbid/comorbiding: relating to or denoting a medical condition that co-occurs with another. The more disorders in the mix, the more seductive and dangerous the Cluster B will be and the harder your escape and road to recovery will be.
Borderlines are chameleons because they have no self identity, they don’t know who they are, they don’t know how to control anything, they can’t be responsible for their actions, they don’t care about consequences, they don’t care about destroying lives, and they don’t care about hurting themselves or others.
Borderlines pick vulnerable people, who they can control or they can feel good around, they pretend to be everything you’ve ever wanted. You’re the best they’ve ever had, you’re so special.They are master manipulators. They lie when they open their mouth, they're all about pretending.
Because they have no personality they're allways playing roles.
In the beginning they support you, they admire you, think you are wonderful. And because they know all about you, they then know which buttons to push that will get you to do what they want. You’ve found the one person that sets your heart ablaze! They do anything and everything to prove their love, compassion and dedication to you. You buy into it. You are a victim of the idealization phase - mirroring and love bombing.
Once you love them, they hate you for it because of huge underlying issues surrounding guilt, shame and obligation.
Once you are devalued, you are treated like trash.
The one day comes where things begin to “not make sense”, but you let it slide because people have “off” days. Things begin to happen more and more and you become used to the changes. As your relationship continues, they will start to say that you are not the person they admired so much when they first met you — even though you have not changed. The other person becomes someone cold and distant, someone that you no longer recognize. They will find a number of ways to humiliate or denigrate your current efforts saying something like, “You used to do X, but now look at you. You are doing Y and it is terrible.” (You fill in the x and y.) And these criticisms will come at you in a variety of ways: slight insults under their breath, confidences to friends that they know will be repeated, sudden bursts of anger that blindside you. One day you realize that you are in a constant state of fear and agitation.
The actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To her, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - she will always justify her rage by blaming you for "having to hurt her." It all serves to break you down over time.
Prepare to get yelled at for nothing, be lied to pathologically, passive aggressive behavior, silent treatment, to be gaslighted, the minute to minute mood swings, did I mention rage? Yes, rage until spit is flying out of their mouths.
They are in control and you are out of control. You are bashed and beat up quite often, you lose your value and you begin spending your time constantly trying to fix and understand things. Nothing you do works. Your life may be hell by now, but you still have hope. You still have love. They are the ruler now and you are deteriorating. They’ve done this before and know how to play the game and you don’t. You are discarded like a day old chicken carcass with only stringy bits of white meat remaining.
They can see you’re hooked on them like a drug, and they cheat, they lie, they project themselves onto you.
They become your worst nightmare and your dream, you long for them to return to the lovely creature they once were, but there is a moment when you realise that it is all fake and its all lies, and thats when the denial lifts and you decide to leave. Queue huge emptiness, longing, yearning and obsessive thinking over what happened, how could they do this, how could they do that.
And more than anything, how little they actually felt for you.
Only when you face the obvious you can heal, but that will mean facing a huge emotional wall of sadness and anger and hate for this person. They are ill people, they are at the end of the day in the same bed as sociopaths. Borderlines dont admit to what they’ve done, they make you feel awful.
They are monstrously narcissistic, no one else matters.
It is actually life-changing to be destroyed by a Borderline.
In the end you are left confused and heartbroken in the worst possible way.
It is 1000 times worse than being heartbroken in from a normal relationship where you can at least get some type of understanding and relationship closure. Its hell.
It feels like something you’ll NEVER EVER EVER EVER understand until it happens. It’s certainly the ultimate betrayal.
They're able to destroy relationships, lives, and other people's ability to trust others in a single bound.
They routinely use people like toilet paper. That’s about it.
They have the ability to completely rip out the heart of anyone that love them and then the BPD person will twist the situation and somehow make themselves the victim to anyone who will listen.
I believe borderlines don’t really understand other's emotions, but they do understand power and how to control. In fact control is at the heart of what they are about.
They also believe they are empathetic and able to read people, but it's just projection and projective identification.
They claim to love so deeply but that's just their denial at how harmful they are to people.
They are extremely violent and cold to the abuse they do to people they love. They will cheat and lie with anyone that pays them attention.
An untreated Borderline will target the person closest to them, usually their romantic partner/husband/wife, and slowly destroy them from the inside out.
Often untreated BPD partners don’t hoover as they caused too much destruction during the devalue/destroy phase. They create their own “no-going-back” world. Red flag is that such folks often have no previous partners as friends.
Devaluation and discarding cycles are never ending. Wash and repeat cycles. It gets odd dealing with someone who creates drama where there is none.
Their comfort zone is misery. They take comfort in it. They want the outside world to match their inner world.
Constantly complaining and unable to self soothe and holding others responsible for their well-being. They are incredibly draining and needy.
They will never get better. They will never say they're wrong. They will use you and throw you on the human scrap pile when they're through with you.
Borderlines are incredibly toxic…that person you met in the beginning is simply an illusion and is long gone.
Everything is a melodrama, everything is a crisis, everything is a personal offense, all the time.
Their behavior seems to totally depend on who they are "behaving" in front of, what "behavior" will serve them best in which setting at which moment, who or what can they "blame" for their behavior, how they want to appear to others at that moment, do they want attention or already have attention, do they need to manipulate the people around them or are those people already doing what they "needed" them to do, do they need to "behave" like they are happy, sad, hurt, bored, angry, the heroine, the victim, compassionate, indifferent, caring, love, hate, best friend, enemy, like, can't stand, want, don't want, need, don't need.
Borderlines are like a walking, talking slideshow of "behaviors". If the "behavior" gets the reaction they want, the slideshow stops in that frame. To another person that "behavior" frame may not be getting the desired reaction so the slideshow starts moving again. There is NO set behavior in a borderline person. Their "behavior" is situational to each setting and adjusted to each person in that setting.
Accusations, accusations, accusations, followed by more accusations, with additional accusations afterward. Later, there will be accusations.
If you could make a ratio of accusations-made-by to total-words-said-by the person, you would have a good behavioral rule of thumb metric on how to tell if someone has the condition.
In fact, one could almost think of BPD in a useful way as “addiction to making accusations”.
Run as far and as fast as you can from these people - they will leave a trail of destroyed personal relationships behind them, and forget about getting them help. They’re extremely resistant to treatment / therapy.
If you know she's borderline and you choose to stay then don't cry when she makes you go insane, when you have circular conversations that have no resolution and feel yourself losing it, accept it, when you get cheated on like the guy in boogie nights don't be surprised.
People with BPD are abusers. They seem to function from a child's perspective some of the time and from their deep unconscious for most of it. Inside the unconscious are very primitive early evolutionary monsters that act from very negative emotions and responses. Fear, rage, violence, lust, revenge, hate, hunger, dominance.
Once activated they seem to have no ability to regulate these unconscious creatures.
On the other hand many are psychopaths and all are narcissists.
Empathy is a huge problem as is compassion.
Love is a fantasy for them, soon it turns to hate, revenge and devaluing of any threat of loss of control.
Abandonment fears provokes manipulation and control.
They infect any person/group their in with their disorder.....arguments, fights, distrust, betrayal, abuse.
Continued need is the main BPD characteristic.
They are never going to be on the same page as you, they weren't even in the same relationship with you.
They are not capable of thinking as a normal human.
Person with Borderline personality disorder is as damaging to adult as a pedophile is to a child. They both destroy lives and minds but the borderlines gets off away without being punished.
Leave, or stay and it will be the single greatest regret of your life.
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