Skinny: “I’m off upstairs, my sweet sweet love!”
Wife: “Lovely! What are you going to do upstairs?”
Skinny: “I’m going to post some repetitive venom about Morrissey (you know, the man whose albums, posters and memorabilia I spent all our money on) on a site dedicated to Morrissey. Then I’ll study some more Smiths books. Then watch some Simpsons.”
Wife: “Oh. No rumpy-pumpy tonight, sweetness?”
Skinny: “No, wife. I will channel my love into crosswords. Did you set the 5am Morrissey-solo alarm? I don’t want anyone to post before me!”
Wife: “I want a divorce”
Skinny: “I love you! You don’t love me back! You don’t even like me! You won’t make me a member of your inner circle! If you don’t love me as much as I love you, I will slag you off online until the end of time”
Wife: “Oh, f*** off, you weirdo!”