Symbolic Stuff Nobody Gives a Crap About

[CrystalGeezer]

Once I got her out of the cage, she's not as feral as I thought. I'm so glad I didn't call the humane society this morning, I was literally minutes away from doing it when my neighbor walked over with another idea. (If my bathroom looks dirty it's because she had some sort of conniption fit that involved scaling the wall to get to the window ledge that resulted in tufts of her hair everywhere. I just cleaned the toilet the other day where she's hanging out, thank God.)

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I think this is great, the elephant points at the driver. Acknowledging a driver is relevant to the Charioteer who gets his sphynxes driving in the same direction which indicates harmony. The driver is black, not sure how to deduce who the driver is beyond recent references to Barry/Beary. The people at Kruger thought this exchange was phenomenal which is anomalous and noteworthy, wild elephants don't usually engage with humans and there's not much more GOD than Ganesh.

http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/tense-moment-tourists-encountering-african-elephant/

Or maybe the black eye? I dunno. Video compliments of Saint Michael.

(Psst. I'm always throwing in hate for poachers every song. Always. Represent yo!)

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Elephants? Awesome. A 12 year old girl named GEYSER stabbing people? Not so awesome. This is when I say f*** IT to Greatness.

http://kotaku.com/girls-claim-slender-man-is-real-stab-classmate-19-time-1585164160

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I'm watching this this afternoon. Make it happen.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Any cat in a cage seems feral, this one is not. She's a sweetheart. She's having NONE of Barney even though he just wants to sniff her butt and be her best friend so I don't think I'll get to keep her but I'll definitely place her in a safe home.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I wonder why this guy went to such great lengths to make a lobster?

 

[CrystalGeezer]

So you know how my flavor of is hereditary? We're going to Vegas the end of June and my mom is already packed. She's wearing clothes out of her suitcase and washing them and repacking them. It's kinda sweet but I also don't want to let her down that it won't be as amazing as she's hoping for. Maybe she's just a creature of habit (she has OCD) and she's acclimating herself to living out of a suitcase for two days? I hope she wins.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Too far.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

This sweet little harlot isn't going to let me get any sleep. I felt bad for her in the bathroom so I moved her and all her stuff into my bedroom after she passed the be-cool-with-Barney test. I thought, "Oh it must be scary being pregnant, I hate to have her do it alone on cold tile."

When she's not hogging the bed or sitting meowing at me, she's sitting meowing at Barney who gets concerned a cat is meowing at him and he sits on my shoulder/head for comfort. She just spent FIVE MINUTES covering up a poop in the litter box. Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch... scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch... scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch...scratch...scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch...OMG SHUT UP!

 

[CrystalGeezer]

So got this in my fortune cookie at lunch today:

This afternoon someone willed me a condominium in San Clemente. What a f***in' day!?!!?!?!?!

I guess saying "f***in'" isn't that gracious. I'll work on it God. Praise up.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Rest in peace, June. Friend of the family who passed away peacefully in her home today. She hated bullies and loved Betty Boop.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

No spills = happy mama.

(We pooled $30 on Alpha Bullet in the 8th and won $40 each. Leaving ahead.)

 

[CrystalGeezer]

I have two bedrooms.

One with a bed on the floor that I sleep on mostly because the TV is in that room and I must be part Japanese because I feel more comfortable sleeping close to the ground, and another with Princess & the Pea bed that a Cat Convention could be hosted under. (I need to iron the bedskirt, it's wrinkly from me checking for kittens under the bed. )

I've been locking Jo up in the room with no access to under the bed so she doesn't decide to birth her kittens where it's hard for me to reach and help if need be, but she gets agitated with the door closed and scratches at the carpet and somehow last night figured out how to open the door and I found her in the bathroom because the tile is nice and cool to lay on. (I had visions of her next to Jerry's dead body with feathers in her mouth, she has zero desire to even go downstairs even though she has a free pass.) So here's my conundrum. She's starting to "look for places" I think. The internet says they like dark places like closets. She was checking out the linen closet in the hallway. The cupboard under the sink. I don't want her in the closet in the TV room because the last tenant was a smoker and when you open the door it reeks, I think the painters forgot to paint it. So I put a box in the closet in the room with space under the bed hoping closet is more appealing than under the bed.

She looks like she's about to pop but I said this last week. She's getting to that stage where she can't find a comfortable position to lie in, it's gotta happen soon. (Don't judge me for wearing jorts and birks. They're all very functional and lesbian hippie chic is in these days.)

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Wanna hear something freaky deaky? We were sitting at the 100 to 1 bar across the street from the track watching a few races on simulcast because it's cheaper than drinking in the park. I was downloading the facebook app on my new phone because Jon always wants me to check us in. So facebook was asking me for my password which is some letters and numbers, three numbers in a row. On the simulcast TV was a race happening at Santa Anita. The first, second and third horse to win the race after I set my password (literally a couple minutes) where the same numbers as my password numbers. I could've used those three numbers to win a f***ing TRIFECTA! But I wouldn't. Because that's how witches crash their brooms.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Guacamole is trending in my life the last two weeks for some bizarre reason. First my boss grilled me on it. Then Jon tried to get me to eat it yesterday. Today Chipotle accidentally charged me for a side of it and encouraged me to just take it instead of bothering to call the manager over to refund my money. It's slimy. I just don't care for the texture. I'll try later.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Being a manager of a complex with lots of kids and a swimming pool in the summertime is a nightmare. Everyone is TATTLING on each other, the adults are worse than the kids!

If you want to live in solitude and silence, become a f***ing monk and move to a monastery in the mountains of switzerland, not a kid-friendly apartment complex in the suburbs with a swimming pool on a 90˚ day. f***! Also don't plan on sleeping at 3pm and expecting the world to shut down for your napping needs.

/endrant

(I'm also not happy with the pool people. Someone brought cheese filled crackers in the pool that melted all over the f***ing place. I took all their floaties and waterblasters and snorkels and hid them in my backyard. )

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Just released this lil guy caught last night. His face is so pristine, opposums have a secret feisty side, they're usually all scratched up. THis guy must be a lover not a fighter. He better hang out in the trees if he doesn't want to fight where I took him!

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Eff. THe only thing that was giving me courage to get through this Evan thing tomorrow was that Morrissey would've just walked off the stage and was on his way back to the sublime solitude of his room which was giving my brain a safe place to go in case shit got weird. Who knows where I can imagine him now. I'll just assume in the sublime solitude of a room not on a work day.

I'm sure shit won't get weird. You gotta be prepared though.

 

[CrystalGeezer]

Okay this is me mentally, I'm ready for tonight. Maybe a quick nap and I'm totally ready, f*** PTSD. I'm bringing Barn for backup, I can do no wrong with that kind of muscle. (And Noah is around the corner and said he'd come if I texted him an sos. I'm sure there will be no problem, he's really sick.)