S
Some Totally Random Moz Fan
Guest
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm
and
says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his
Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to
be?'
The
man says "A premature ejaculation". "What?" says the
woman. The
man
says "I've just come in my pants."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum
goes to
the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to
put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green,
green
grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it
common?" "It's not
unusual."
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Two cows standing next to each other
in a field,
Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated
this
morning." "I don't
believe you," said Dolly. "It's true,
straight
up, no bull!"
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist
wearing only
cling film for
shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can
clearly
see you're nuts."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I
think I've lost
an
electron." The other says, "Are you
sure?" The
first replies,
"Yes,
I'm positive..."
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Answer phone message "....If you want
to buy
marijuana, press the
hash key...."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've
heard this
bullshit before
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's
cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him? "
Well," says
the vet, "let's
have a look at him" So he picks the
dog up and
examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he
says "I'm
going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's
really heavy"
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Two elephants walk off a cliff......
boom boom!
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world
are
Chinese. And there are
5
people in my family, so it must be one
of them.
It's either my mum
or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my
younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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I went to buy some camoflage trousers
the other
day but I couldn't
find any.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day
and I bet
him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top
shelf. And he
said, 'no, the
steaks are too high..'
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was
pulled in by a
strong
currant.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a
serious
accident. He
shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
my legs!"
The doctor
replied,"I know you can't, I've cut
your arms
off".
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I went to a seafood disco last
week.... and
pulled a muscle.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly; but
when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving
once and for
all that you
can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to
be the problem?"
asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I
have five
penises." replies
the man "Blimey!" says the doctor,
"How do your
trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on
the floor of
his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police
say that he
topped himself.
One was a salted
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm
and
says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his
Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to
be?'
The
man says "A premature ejaculation". "What?" says the
woman. The
man
says "I've just come in my pants."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum
goes to
the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to
put on it."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green,
green
grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it
common?" "It's not
unusual."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other
in a field,
Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated
this
morning." "I don't
believe you," said Dolly. "It's true,
straight
up, no bull!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist
wearing only
cling film for
shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can
clearly
see you're nuts."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I
think I've lost
an
electron." The other says, "Are you
sure?" The
first replies,
"Yes,
I'm positive..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer phone message "....If you want
to buy
marijuana, press the
hash key...."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've
heard this
bullshit before
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's
cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him? "
Well," says
the vet, "let's
have a look at him" So he picks the
dog up and
examines his eyes,
then checks his teeth. Finally, he
says "I'm
going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's
really heavy"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff......
boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world
are
Chinese. And there are
5
people in my family, so it must be one
of them.
It's either my mum
or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my
younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camoflage trousers
the other
day but I couldn't
find any.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day
and I bet
him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top
shelf. And he
said, 'no, the
steaks are too high..'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was
pulled in by a
strong
currant.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man came round in hospital after a
serious
accident. He
shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel
my legs!"
The doctor
replied,"I know you can't, I've cut
your arms
off".
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a seafood disco last
week.... and
pulled a muscle.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly; but
when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving
once and for
all that you
can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to
be the problem?"
asks the doc. "It's... um... well... I
have five
penises." replies
the man "Blimey!" says the doctor,
"How do your
trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on
the floor of
his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police
say that he
topped himself.
