Friends

spleenhead

spleenhead

Yes, I am spleen
Do you think that if you become friends with someone you enter into some kind of unwritten social contract? Do you feel that if people become friends they have a responsibility not to break off a friendship without warning? I made a couple of friends just less than a year ago and we became close; I got the feeling that we were all to become great, long term friends. Through no seeming fault of my own, they no longer speak to me, break promises of meeting and have generally betrayed the trust i put in them during the short time we were friends. I have rarely felt more deflated by something, even problems with love. Has this happened to others?
 
You gotta give us some details.
Let us know if you're male or female and your age range.

For instance, if you're a 15 year old girl, I would tell you that many girls that age are bitches, and it's possible that things are only going to get worse before they get better. So just be friendly to everyone and move on.

However, if you're a 45 year old guy, I would tell you to suck it up, have a beer, and watch a football game.
 
if they are that fickle they are not your true friends. f*** em. your true friends would not dismiss you that easily. i have very few real friends. i prefer if that way.
 
spleenhead said:
Do you think that if you become friends with someone you enter into some kind of unwritten social contract? Do you feel that if people become friends they have a responsibility not to break off a friendship without warning? I made a couple of friends just less than a year ago and we became close; I got the feeling that we were all to become great, long term friends. Through no seeming fault of my own, they no longer speak to me, break promises of meeting and have generally betrayed the trust i put in them during the short time we were friends. I have rarely felt more deflated by something, even problems with love. Has this happened to others?
Click to expand...
People are strange. What else can I say. Take it with a grain of salt people come and go, but when good friends come and go, through no fault of your own the nature of the friends you have should be considered. I am speaking from experience, sometimes it's better when you're alone or at least detached.

Now I know how Morrissey felt...
 
I have levels of friendship. As I get to know people they become more and more important to me. I could drop someone very easily if they'd only made it to my first level. If I'd known someone for years and thought of them as a true friend, I've been known to drag out the relationship for ages trying to fix it before finally letting them go. In fact, I'm strangely devoted to someone who has made it to that level.

I think everyone has a different style though.
 
Sometimes people just go different ways. When I was younger a friend of mine dropped off the radar and I spent six months trying to get back in touch with him because I was worried about him. Of course, the simple fact of the matter was that I wasn't important in his life any more. Someone who I was friends with at that time has spent a couple of years sending me "where are you now" messages, and I haven't replied because we've got little in common any more and I'm not the same person that I was (and don't want to be reminded of who I was back then).

It's a sad thing when you lose friends, but I think the best option is to stay self-contained wherever possible and just let relationships develop naturally. Sometimes people will be there forever. Sometimes people will only be there for a bit. Most people aren't worth it anyway; the ones who hang around are the ones who have proved their worth.
 
spleenhead said:
Do you think that if you become friends with someone you enter into some kind of unwritten social contract? Do you feel that if people become friends they have a responsibility not to break off a friendship without warning? I made a couple of friends just less than a year ago and we became close; I got the feeling that we were all to become great, long term friends. Through no seeming fault of my own, they no longer speak to me, break promises of meeting and have generally betrayed the trust i put in them during the short time we were friends. I have rarely felt more deflated by something, even problems with love. Has this happened to others?
Click to expand...

The story of my life :lbf:
Seriously, I'm incapable of keeping my friends. They all drift away, all of them. I'm 33 years old now and I've lost faith in having one friendship that lasts. As time passes it looks like less possible. We'll see in a few years, maybe I'll have something different to say.
That, apart from the fact that I usually don't like anybody :lbf:

I think, spleenhead, that those weren't the right friends. The real ones will want to stay around you.
 
spleenhead said:
Do you think that if you become friends with someone you enter into some kind of unwritten social contract? Do you feel that if people become friends they have a responsibility not to break off a friendship without warning? I made a couple of friends just less than a year ago and we became close; I got the feeling that we were all to become great, long term friends. Through no seeming fault of my own, they no longer speak to me, break promises of meeting and have generally betrayed the trust i put in them during the short time we were friends. I have rarely felt more deflated by something, even problems with love. Has this happened to others?
Click to expand...

of course, thats why I really do not think of too many people as being my "close friends"
if close friends f you over like that, they aint close friends :cool:
back when I lived in L.A., I thought I had a lot of "close friends"
but when things went badly for me I found out how wrong I was :eek:
some people turned on me and kicked me while I was down
others turned their back on me, or "chose" her over me :rolleyes:
a handful did not brake faith, but drifted apart from me when I left
now I have my real friends, those few from before San Francisco that have made the effort to keep in contact
and the few people I have come to know real well here :)
All this takes years to happen though spleenhead :straightface:
and you will never really know who your friends are til:

you have known them for years
&
you see how they act when the chips are down for you
and vice versa
 
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