Blog entries by Tibby
The darkness is taking my head.
I feel so hopeless and I don`t know where to turn anymore.I try to keep going but it gets harder every day.I find it difficult to make simple everday desicions.It just seems like everything takes enormous effort.I just sit at the edge of my bed and try to...
I`m tired of living in the rollercoaster that is my brain.I really feel like I am losing it.I feel like I am an exposed nerve.It has come crashing hard this time.Everything just hurts so f**cking bad.I want to curl up in a ball and die.I want to disappear.Sunday was really bad for me.I just...
I am constantly exhausted.All I want to do is sleep.I said before that sleep is my only solace but sometimes I don`t even have that.I`ve been having nightmares some nights.The anxiety attacks have been coming again usually at night.
I just want to hurt myself so badly.I want to feel...
I went to see my therapist today.I answered all his questions honestly.I told him how I feel like I`ve been getting worse.He told me he was sorry I was feeling this way.He asked me about the racing thoughts.I told him that they bother me so much sometimes,that I just want everything to stop.It...
I have things that I remember;I`m not sure if they really happened.I remember these dark corridors and I remember doctors being there and I was little.It bothers me because I`m not sure if they are real or not.When I was a little kid I used to have a phobia about doctors and dentists.I don`t...
I`m trying to keep myself together.It gets harder everyday.Right now I`m really scared.I feel like I`m going to lose it.It keeps building up and I`m afraid I`m going to burst.I`ve been having these dreams/nightmares of being confined in a mental hospital.I am so afraid of that.I don`t want to...
Yesterday was a nice day.I was really thankful for it.Those days
are few and far between.I`ve just been thinking about things a lot.We were looking at some old family photo`s alot of them had my paternal grandmother in them.We lost her a few years ago to cancer.She was always such a strong...
I wonder to myself.When will all of this go away?When will it end?I`ve been suffering from this for years.I see the doctors,take the meds.I try to keep myself busy.I try so hard.Why won`t this end?I`ve heard everything from " you are not trying hard enough" "maybe if you went to church...
:love::love::love::love::love:
Submission~Sex Pistols
Beat My Guest ~Adam Ant
Tomorrow~Morrissey(I know you don`t mean it)
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?~Culture Club
Alsatian Cousin~Morrissey(bring me home and have me)
Suedehead~Morrissey (it was a good...)
Master and...
My best friend is silver and sharp.I`ve missed him but he`s come back again.
I`ve tried so hard to hold on. I know it`s not the answer.I know that very well.I`ve just ruined it again.I hadn`t done it since October.It called me again.It will be okay he said.I will make you feel better and he...
I have been trying my best to keep going these days.Somedays are better than others.The worst day`s it`s a struggle just to get out of bed.All I want to do is sleep because I feel it makes the time pass faster.It really sucks when I can`t sleep because I`m so wound up and all I can hear is the...
I know I haven`t written a blog entry in some time.Some things have changed some have remained the same.
As my psychiatrist has suggested I have started therapy.I found it really difficult at first but it has gotten better(the therapy I mean)
I have been getting by and it`s been ok at...
I think I really am f***ed up.I feel like I don`t know which way is up and which way is down.I have hurt myself twice this week.I have let everyone down and disappointed them.I am a colossal f**k up.One minute I`m up in the clouds,the next I`m lower than low.I can`t sleep I can`t rest.The noise...
Happy Birthday Morrissey!
I love you till the day I die
I`m trying,I`m trying so hard.I know I say that a lot but it`s true.I try to keep busy with cleaning organizing.I want things to look nice and tidy.Yes lots has to do with my ocd.But I try to keep busy to keep the thoughts from invading my mind.The thoughts that tell me what a...
Spent all night cleaning and organizing because I wanted my bedroom to look perfect.I even organized my closet.Everything had to be folded in a certain way or I would start all over again.My ocd rearing it`s ugly head.Needless to say I am now exhausted.When I talked to Mom this morning she asked...
Went to my psychiatrist on wednesday.I told him how I have been feeling ....very up and down.He changed one of my meds.I have been on it before.I`m just hoping it goes okay and maybe helps.
It`s almost 2 in the morning and I`m still up.Got a slow start today.Just felt very sluggish.I`m...
I`ve been thinking about this a great deal.I used to think I was fine with it but as time goes on I have changed the way I feel.I decided a long time ago that I would never be vulnerable to anyone.This was a way to deal with my fear of rejection.I would never allow anyone to hurt me.In turn I...
Took out the little plastic box that I keep underneath my bed.The one that I keep all the things that I will need to make those thoughts go away.In it I keep my razor blades and my band aids.
Carving on my arms and legs.Please make those thoughts go away.I want to breathe.I want to sleep.I...
So I went to my psych a week ago.I told him I`ve been up and down.At one moment I can`t stop crying and the next I`m laughing like crazy.I`ve been told that they never know what kind of mood I`m going to wake up in.He put me back on the med that I went off cold turkey.The withdrawal symptoms...
