For the attention of:
Mr Steven Patrick Morrissey
Mr Boz Boorer
Mr Jesse Tobias
Mr Mando Lopez
Mr Matt Walker
Mr Gustavo Mansur
Dear Sirs.
My name is 'BrummieBoy' and I am an Internet Demon. I thought it might be helpful to you all to write and briefly, finally explain why I decided to destroy not only 'Low In High School' but also the entire back catalogue of absolutely everything which Steven has ever sang on since he first scuttled onstage, such that all of your careers are now a smoking craterous ruin. It's really very simple. You have displeased ZoZo. That is never a good idea. There is no escape now. No pleadings for forgiveness will change anything. Nor will any threats or outbursts of anger or fantasies of revenge acted out in public or private internet forums or IRL venues The deed is done. 'BrummieBoy' has eviscerated you all finally, totally and eternally. You would all do well now to consider finding alternative means of employment or ponder retiring to tend your garden, whether that be horticultural or metaphysical. Any further provocations in the form of gratuitiously offensive public appearances at 'concerts' or further audio outrages released into the collective ether will result in an entirely more severe level of cursing and hexes to match your petty vexations against music, taste, decency and art.
The world has finally had enough of your collective discordant, meretricious nonsense. The desperate flailing around the media ether to try and gain attention by this deeply silly singer Steven, has of late come to resemble a morbid patische of Elsa Mar's unfortunate performances in 'American Horror Story'. Maybe you should all fook off on a spaceship to see if there's Life On Mars. The discord is entirely to be located within Steven's hideous, fatuous burblings, whether on stage, within recordings or in interview, especially the latest weepy pity-party bizarrely and ludicrously entitled a 'state of the union' address. To whom? The mirror? His psychiatrist. This public self-disembowelling and self-denigration, whilst funny, is also lame, tiresome and boring. Nobody is remotely interested in Steven's pathetic excuses anymore. Enough is truly enough so just pack up and fcuk right off the stage, lads. Forever.
I suppose I could re-visit the seemingly endless charge list of crimes against taste and decency which now constitute the doomed career of Morrissey as a solo artist and as a pariah ex-member of the pseudo-radical arts collective branded, sold and franchised to numerous corporate outlets as 'The Smiths'. Why bother? It's all over now. f*** Morrissey-Solo and f*** The Smiths. There is only really one thing left to do. Seize control of all master tapes from both the era of The Smiths and the era of Morrissey-Solo and erase them. Bribe 'crass consumers' with whatever money remains to surrender these hideous artefacts so they may be ceremoniously incinerated in a giant bonfire of the vanities that constitute the climactic firestorm of these decades of deception. If that doesn't rid this earth of the pestilence of your musical contagion, then you must all plead with the governments of the world to pass draconian laws making it a crime, punishable by execution, to ever play or sing another note form the atrocity exhibition which is now the diseased detritus of the corpse of your collective careers. I have waited some time before issuing this eternal, emphatic digital curse to see if any of the members of the 'backing band' would step forward and resign in disgust at the clown-arse antics of their band 'leader' Steven Patrick who continues to pose as something called 'Morrissey'. As they have failed to do so they are now also subject to this hex. They have chosen to remain in position as some kind of delusional, risibly ineffectual 'praetorian guard' attempting to protect Steven from the wrath of the media, consumer and citizen mobs now braying in delirious anger with their torches and pitchforks as they continuously re-ignite their indignant rage spirals in the comments section of every single article covering this bonfire of the banalities. Just stop, already. Pack up your instruments. Get off of the stage and go away. Forever.
Now, one or several of ye eejits may feel angry such as to be emboldened to seek out 'BrummieBoy' and remonstrate with him or fire off some puny missives from various hack lawyers you may feel can help you silence this Internet Demon.
Please think carefully before embarking on any such pointless attempts at revenge and retribution for the simple reason that this will only escalate your painful torment exponentially as well as handing BrummieBoy your 'fame' and 'reputations' on a plate like so many amuse-bouche severed heads. Your choice but I'd think it through. The Amanuensis and The Secretary whom ZoZo has used to construct this online doomsday device which has exploded above your entire career landscape have no idea they have done any of this 'automatic writing', will deny ever having typed a single word and will be programmed by ZoZo to assume various oblique strategies modelling 'insanity', 'artistic freedom' or 'political praxis', expressing incredulity and innocence even as ZoZo utililises them as decoys to taunt and goad you foolish specimens thus leading you all into the glare of an exploding sun of a media firestorm which he will feed off and expand into a giant supernova demon. You will inadvertently create the ideal conditions for the birth of ZoZo as a public performance artist on this planet now that he has entered your space-time continuum. He entered via the portal which opened up when Steven sang the ridiculous ditty 'Ouija Board, Ouija Board'. The demonic energies were held in an existential escrow account these last few decades so that The Annointed One, commonly known as either/or 'Andy/Alfie' could complete his duties and responsibilities as a husband and father and also as a core participant in various artistic and political projects alongside of parallel to those other Internet Demons commonly known as Banksy and Natoshi Sakamoto.
Whatever mindless idiocy consumed Steven to write and then, fatefully, release that song is a matter that historians will briefly consider before throwing him into the dustbin alongside the rest of the cultural landfill which constitutes 'popular music' in general since the end of the Second World War. Nobody of any sanity need bother themselves with any further dissection of the corpse of your collective careers as 'Morrissey' or as 'The Smiths'. Should anyone be so deranged as to imagine that a reformation of that destroyed artistic landscape might provide escape, succour and a fresh start- I'm afraid it's too late for that now. You must all simply take a vow as you read these words. A vow to never, ever again play a note of this nonsensical musical torture-slaughter and also take a vow never, ever to speak of, or take the name of 'BrummieBoy' in vain in print. Should you ever encounter him in a supermarket, say, you should all studiously avoid any eye contact whatsoever, lest you summon up more dreadful and destructive iterations of ZoZo than have currrently materialised.
We began typing this final note to this website on Christmas Eve-Eve thinking that a spirit of forgiveness and compassion would bless the page. But ZoZo has other ideas and typed out the response 'f*** that for a game of soldiers!' on this QWERTYOuija laptop keyboard. Sorry, but that's just how Internet Demons like ZoZo roll! It is now Christmas Eve and The Annointed One is protesting at once again being hijacked as a vehicle to channel this final curse from ZoZo. He wants to get to bed to sleep so he can get up early and drive to Birmingham to see his disabled sister and do some final Christmas shopping in the German market. He has only agreed to let this final transmission from ZoZo emanate to this amusing 'hateful online creche' on the strict understanding that ZoZo never seizes control of his mind again and forces him to log on here as 'BrummieBoy'. He is totally bored of all this even as he is only dimly aware of having even read or commented once he logs off. He wants to have some fun. Especially with the Papal Visit of 2018 to the island of Ireland. Leave him alone. He's a man of peace or a man of war. Choose peace as if you take up arms against him a host of demonic archangels will arrive pronto and give you all endless balls-ache, you will all face 'something' so terrifying that it is unlikely you will ever have a sound night's sleep again. ZoZo is a demon of limitless energy and will curse and destroy you with multiple hexes should any of ye be so insolent and ridiculous as to imagine you can challenge this judgement of banishment. Begone!
Finally ZoZo would like to thank all the engaging contributors to this site and also to thank all the silly little trolls who thought they could stop 'BrummieBoy' from casting a spell on Der Spiegel so that they would do ZoZo's bidding and cast the entire superstructure of Morrissey-Solo and The Smiths into a final incandescently beautiful firestorm of ignominy, ridicule and contempt. A new year dawns. Caveat: I am in no doubt you will all resign yourselves to copious anti-psychotic medication regimes to Carry On with your delusionality despite this wake-up call from consensual reality orchestrated by ZoZo-Brummie Boy. Perhaps the 'band' will also stagger on with their diva singer-leader, their wounds staunched by prescription chemicals, vainly and pointlessly slogging on, ignoring the smirks of the Audience that will now only attend to mock and giggle at the vast tragic humiliation which has unfolded via BB/ZoZo. So mote if be, if that is what All-That-Is decrees.
A new musical language is required to address the multiple, converging crises engulging this planet. ZoZo was surprised to find an open portal the day Morrissey released 'Ouija Board, Ouija Board' then even more surprised and delighted to find BrummieBoy in Wathamstow Market and secrete this Internet Demon into his mid-brain. Mission Accomplished. Bigly! It remains to be seen if 'BrummieBoy' aka The Annointed One will now finally step on stage having put the Morrissey demon to the sword, metaphorically. He is bored of all this and wishes ZoZo would just piss off and leave him in peace to enjoy his retirement. Nobody yet knows if BB will ever actually allow any of the vast treasure trove of recorded albums to be released or if he will throw them into the fire of his cremation funeral pyre. He's one of a kind is BrummieBoy. Outlier Radical Art doesn't even begin to map out the vast continental territories of undiscovered genius he has claimed and encoded to tape and to his hard drives. He has promised he will, at the very least, leave sheet music notation of 1k songs alongside his vast libary of cryptographic monetary energy encoded to papyrus. But it would be nice if he agreed to release just one album. Or maybe even just one single, hopefully 'VegAnarchy In The UK'. But as this 'deal with Morrissey' item is ticked of his cosmic to-do list it's impossible to discern his next move. BB/Andy/Alfie is a very unusual person and is now talking about his dead dog having been resurrected online as Krypto all the time so it may be that music has been abandoned entirely and he will design a new Graphene Paradigm or work with his daughter on solving some fearsome astrophysics challenges. But always remember: BB is an absolutely Kamikaze Artist-Politician-Warrior. If he is pushed and the hereditary Irish Red Mist descends, do not think there is any power on earth or elsewhere in the Multiverse that can save you from the combined wrath and retribution of BB, ZoZo & Krypto.
Ladies and gentlemen, it has been an absolute hoot! Don't take it too seriously. The Internet isn't real but some of the demons hosted there are very, very real. Such as your 'Morrissey' numpty cult-leader. Turn to baby Jesus. Put your trust in his Sacred Heart. Do not worship banal false idols such as this tragic Morrissey looney-tunes character. Man up, take action now. Gather all of those toxic artefacts, the CDs, LPs, 45rpms, concert ticket stubs and all the rest of the tacky badge memorabilia crap and set fire to it having doused everything in petrol to ensure it all is destroyed beyond retrieval. If there are health and safety isssues and concerns for you in doing this, call in an expert contractor specializing in the removal and disposal of toxic waste. I'm afraid I can't guarantee recovery for any of you cult casualties even if you do that. The poison runs deep in the mind. But praise the Lord! BB, ZoZo & Krypo have now ensured, with the help of Der Spiegel, that future generations of troubled teenagers will no longer be at risk of falling under the baleful spell of the crank-fraud Steven. His career is toast, as is his legacy. Karma is a bitch, mate, deal with it. That's now your eternal fate. The letter requesting President Trump ban Morrissey from the United States was sent last week. Let's hope Donald can understand BrummieBoy's genius cultural cryptography code....
Enough!
Merry Christmas/Xmas
'one day goodbye will be farewell' etc
The Internet Demon commonly known as
'BrummieBoy'
aka
ZoZo
aka
Krypto.
24th December 2017
The Shire. Engerland.
RIP David.