hmm pretty personal eh...
only been in love once . saw her on a school friends wedding where I was invited and instantly fell madly in love her. also a guest.
my schoolfriend which wedding i was attending married at the age of 19, a man she had barely known for few months and who has ditched his musicbusinessjob in mexico for her after meeting her when he visits his parents -they re still together after 9 years and have 2 children.and now she begin her study as a Vet-i have heard
until this point i thought i could never fall in love /and at this point wasnt unsure about my sexuality also i.e. actually thought of me being asexual.
she was the coolest person i ever met.
long black hair green intense eyes.,very feminine but with a break in her clothing style wearing a tie and a blazer.
she sit in front of me at the dinner table and we chatted about music. morrissey would have love her-she is an 70ties music obsessive: bowie, roxy music,new york dolls.she likes the clash also..etc
also she did like the 70 ties clothes. and stated she was surely born in the wrong century.
.she didnt mentioned the smiths( i dont know if she was a fan/likes them but Im sure she has hear a few songs since she is an music obsessive even though her faves comes almost entirely from the 70ties) and at the point i only began listening to them (bought the singles cd but never read an interview or anything for quite some time so all the stuff about him i didnt know -just knew the music
so i didnt mention them either. then on some point when i asked her if she ever thought about getting married .she replied that she didnt know since she is bisexual. at this point -after she said that simple sentence-the scales fell from my eyes
(i.e. I sudendly realized about the state of my sexual "orientation")
about whats "wrong " with me...it was like an awakening i can hardly describe.
so this night has opened my eyes.
we emailed for some time after that. she did study japanese, a very smart girl.
the school friend which i had lost contact now had told me a year or so after the wedding if i knew that this girl is gay and is in a relationship with a girl(which seems for my school friend puzzling) I didnt know that she was in a relationship since she didnt mention it(i think she wasnt already in one around the wedding time) so i said no but i said that I knew that she was open to both genders which surprised my friend since i have only met her a few hours and she did know this girl for years without knowing that.
i did make her a tape(an actual cassette tape no cd) with some songs which expressed my feelings. some just because I like them :like turbonegro"get it on" sonic youth, björk and others which are bit more clear about my feelings:
like sleater kinney `s "anonymous" and one neubauten song ("letztes biest am himmel "from their 85 classic "halber mensch")
the smiths were also included . i have heard the songs on their singles cd and decided that" how soon is now" is the first song and "there is a light should that never goes out"should be the last to express my feelings
i asked her if she like the tape which she did.
the brother of my best friend did go in the same class at her so he did own a yearbook where there is apicture of her included. of course i copied that site and still have it.
i have lost contact and since she was always that unreachable "superwoman" for me it was clear that never anything would happen. she was always "the one I cant have" and yes that fact did drove me mad
at the time
but she had made an impact on my life which never anyone else did.
i was in love in that intense way which drives you nuts.
someday i will write her a letter and thank her for her help of my "awakening"
i still have her parentsadress from the yearbook.